20:02
Sunset - beyond the trees - beneath which is a pond. It's getting dark and still. The pale blue sky is as if brushed with faint pink clouds.
As I walked round the heath I was wondering how to consciously connect these diary entries, these little events and thoughts... or are they growing spontaneously into a connected whole?
I notice a birch tree to my left , standing alone. Its thick trunk (which is reflecting the pink light of the sunset) divides into two trunks quite close to the ground. It stands very peacefully in the corner of this little field and, as I look at it, it is motionless. Everything about it (says my intuition) seems to answer my question - though as yet my reason does not tell me how.
The pink clouds have gone and the sky to the west is now golden and there is an aeroplane with its take-off lights still lit as it climbs and roars and thunders into the night, to the east.
That too feels like an answer - but what was the question?...
And now a bat flies across the sky - almost too quickly to be seen and without any sound that I can hear..
I pause to look about as the light diminishes. And as I do so the trees get to look more and more like presences - or beings. No wonder they were worshipped... And what kind of worship do we lack?
Or are we lucky to be free of that kind of superstition, though having others of which we do not know? The superstition that everything is material, for instance?
And now I go home.
As I walk down to the ponds I see the moon through the trees and above the water and I think of who else may be looking at it - from other parts of the world, or perhaps from an aircraft or from a sattelite? And of who may be reading of it, or constructing it, 'the moon', from these words... And does the moon really exist? Isn't everything a construction?
At the station, on the opposite platform, a woman takes off her jacket to put round a small child in a buggy. She tucks the jacket in and then she seems to be rubbing the child's legs for warmth. That unquestioning self-sacrifice, of an adult for an infant, that is surely a disproof that self-interest is all? Never mind what the evolutionary psychologists may say of selfish genes and of their enlightened self interest, I just cannot believe in any theory that is partly based on a theory of games, not of life. On abstract thought, not experience.
But DO all these things answer my question (of 'how to connect?')...
...but that is what I am doing, isn't that the purpose, or effect, of this writing - to connect diverse things, of very different scales, and 'all equally important'!
The question is answered - it's redundant!