3 april 2001 an oracle and after

10.15 Still in bed - now in a semi-alpine valley or gorge with rival clocks tolling each hour, and half-hour. and a clear mountain stream making a continuous sound at a wier or artificial waterfall beneath the window.

I've just consulted the rune oracle (08) - it tells me to make this a moment of completion of change - to make a perhaps dangerous movement out of danger - in a new beginning - to free myself from a deep rut or habit that was fitting but no longer is...

...to cease to live amid obstructions and to emerge as from a chrysalis...

Quite enough advice - now to enact it!

12.26 Pausing on a walk up a rocky path to one of the caves - the village clock strikes one. The air is still. The only other sound is of the stream or torrent in the valley a few hundred feet below.

What is the habit (no longer fitting) that it's timely to become free of? Is it secrecy - concealment of thoughts that do not fit the evident state of mind of other people? Quite likely. Perhaps that and ceasing to assume universally good motives and intentions in 'everyone'?

Yes - those two resolves I deduce from the two books Edwin Schlossberg gave me (I think to correct habits he observed in me):

The Secret Sharerby Joseph Conrad and Notes from Undergroundby Feyodor Dostoyevsky.

That was nearly thirty years ago.

Now to do it.

Together those two resolves could combine to induce in me something beyond utopianism, beyond progress, or even evolutionism, a new frankness-cum-realism that is not secret, not optimistic, but embodies a new-old accord with all-as-it-is?

Time to stop for lunch.

17.16 After visiting the cave of Peche Merle and it's composite drawing of mamoths and other animals superimposed on a drawing of a horse - said to be by a single artist.

Of the several caves visited this was where I felt most in touch with the people who made these pictures...

...why I wonder are there so few pictures, by so few people, yet apparently done over several thousand years?

New resolves of today make me feel braver, less nervous or self-censoring.