online: 16 february 2011 modified: 4, 15, 16 february 2011 4 february 2011 walking against the wind
city forest
...walking across the heath feeling disoriented by eye drops and eye ointment which today are distorting my vision... i suppose you could call this an experiment in altered perception... close vision is partly blurred and walking vision is somewhat disoriented... (the hospital assures me this is a normal effect of eye medicines and will wear off when the treatment's over so there is no need to worry)...
...consulting the angle of the second hand of my watch (to decide route) this windy day, i am led to walk against the north west wind from pond 2 to the highest point above the Vale of Heath... and feel it's difficult to keep going on this uninviting day when few people are to be seen on the heath and walking here is more struggle than a pleasure...
...pausing at the seat overlooking a wooded valley... i realise i've not brought the handheld so i can write only scrappy notes with a pencil... and i can barely see what i am writing...
...and as i settle in this spot i hear a loud emergency vehicle shrieking nearby... and wonder what's going to happen... but now it fades and soon ceases.... and only the wind is to be heard... a strong wind that is blowing all over Britain... but i'm feeling barely able to pay attention to the swaying of the trees... and to ground-level gusts that are lifting clouds of fallen leaves in furious dance...
...and looking at the illegibility of what i've written i try to write more legibly now... but only with difficulty...
...slowly (via my scattered and disjointed vision) i notice that the sky is composed of soft grey and white clouds that are moving quickly south east...
...deliberate pause while waiting for thoughts to settle... and to connect into some coherence, i hope, from this state of disorder...
...using random numbers to choose page 24 of volume 99 of my hand written journal i read (with left eye and with great interest) some already forgotten insights re the expanding and then shrinking of my recent attempts at writing about 'the car of the future'... and i realise that there is plenty to do in the world and good capacity to do it!... signs of recovery... and good resolves... especially in the recent entry (in this digital diary) called 'dusk and civilisation'...
...time to rest here and now... (at this 'seat overlooking wooded valley'... where i've sat and written many times before)... and then to continue walking on today 'against the wind'...
...after reaching the highest seat i am surprised to see rain over the city... the tall buildings are half-hidden (as if in a mist or low cloud) as a rainstorm moves around the distant towers while here, at the highest point, the air is dry and in boisterous movement...
...while on the way here i passed moorhens and a coot standing or sitting on the path, unafraid of people, and hiding from the wind by crouching, beside tussocks of grass, at the edge of the pond... but i guess it may be raining here soon on this windy Friday afternoon, when few people are to be seen... (only one or two, with dogs)...
...on the bus i realise i've nearly recovered coherent vision... by staying out of doors on the heath... and resting... and reading... and walking... when i was feeling like staying indoors and keeping warm... in centrally heated rooms which, while i was out, heated no one!...
...on the way back i called at a friendly pharmacy where they have agreed to put drops and ointment into my eye twice a day for a week... while i continue this little experiment in living with slightly diminished vision... and a little learning of what it's like to suffer from it permanently... (which not as bad as it sounds)...
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