online: 28 june 2017
modified: 28 june 2017
26 june 2017 attack of a bumble
bee
my habitual way of getting started was disrupted today by a large
bumble bee who seemed intent on hovering close to my clothing... and
even skin... forcing me to abandon the passive resistance which usually
enables me to react peacefully to the close approach of insects... who
quickly depart... or else are brushed off...
...but evidently peace has returned during the writing of these words... and
in my possibly mistaken interpretation of the motives of the bumble
bee... or of myself...
searching today for a correct direction... despite minor pains
and difficulties... i was surprised to find my expectations reversed by
the realities of memory...
...for instance when i try to remember my schooldays i see a nervous
little boy ill-fitted to school or college... but when i try to recall
playtime or holiday i see a more confident person... (who is perhaps
trying to imitate the adults)... i.e. reacting as an introvert towards
existing organisations... but as an extravert when attempting to realise
organisations of his own..
...well... such a self-description may be innaccurate... but i feel
there's some truth in it... that the over-describable and inhibiting
organisations of education, industry, government, etc. may be a vast
mistake, but the informal nature of playtime may be the true source of
life as it can be...
...the bumble bee did not return... perhaps he has yet to experience
life as joyful... (unless it is in the joy of attack... if that is what it
was?)...
chronology 1927 to 1946
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