online: 28 june 2017
modified: 28 june 2017

26 june 2017 attack of a bumble bee


my habitual way of getting started was disrupted today by a large bumble bee who seemed intent on hovering close to my clothing... and even skin... forcing me to abandon the passive resistance which usually enables me to react peacefully to the close approach of insects... who quickly depart... or else are brushed off...

...but evidently peace has returned during the writing of these words... and in my possibly mistaken interpretation of the motives of the bumble bee... or of myself...

searching today for a correct direction... despite minor pains and difficulties... i was surprised to find my expectations reversed by the realities of memory...

...for instance when i try to remember my schooldays i see a nervous little boy ill-fitted to school or college... but when i try to recall playtime or holiday i see a more confident person... (who is perhaps trying to imitate the adults)... i.e. reacting as an introvert towards existing organisations... but as an extravert when attempting to realise organisations of his own..

...well... such a self-description may be innaccurate... but i feel there's some truth in it... that the over-describable and inhibiting organisations of education, industry, government, etc. may be a vast mistake, but the informal nature of playtime may be the true source of life as it can be...



...the bumble bee did not return... perhaps he has yet to experience life as joyful... (unless it is in the joy of attack... if that is what it was?)...

chronology 1927 to 1946




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