online: 31 october 2005
modified: 24 january, 9 february 2006

24 january 2006 dark blue and other realities

13:39 Sandy Heath. As soon as i enter the forest i feel accord, and new life... and i realise that this is why i came to live nearby...

...given this i feel encouraged to hold firmly to this writing and to my 'new economy of time'* and to do so with 'Freudian realism'**

13:00 I realise that this is a better piece of forest, wilder, than is any other on the heath... as i entered it many creatures fled... blue tits, pigeons, squirrels and i suppose others i didn't see... one squirrel (who climbed a tree at my approach) is half red-haired... (its front legs and body - its tail and rear legs are grey)

13:03 i find myself again at the deep valley and see a large multi-trunked beech growing on the steepest slope - it has many exposed roots, perhaps 20, exposed for a metre or so where the soil has fallen away.

outdoor cafe:
how pleasant to be walking and eating out of doors, in sunshine and out of the wind, and on a weekday morning!

scores of wooden chairs and tables, mostly empty, beneath white umbrellas or sunshades... the forest also was almost empty of people...

...a glass of water, cool west wind on my cheek, and the leaf*** of a table plant vibrating slightly in the wind... i write*** this (after eating soup and a rough chunk of bread) i hear a blackbird whistling near my feet, a robin perches about 20 cm from my hands (so as to peck at the crumbs... it flies away as soon as it*** gets one in its mouth)... i was astonished to be able to see, while it was close to me, the fragility and yet strength of its legs and feathers... and a pidgeon, about 4 metres away, flaps it wings rapidly to support itself while eating ivy buds (some of which are already dark blue).

*'my new economy of time': a way of rationing the 2000 (or so) working hours in a year between a number of activities none of which do i want to neglect but some of which take most of my time if i don't try consciously to realise them all!

**'Freudian realism': i am presently reading Sigmund Freud's essay 'the future of an illusion' (religion). I feel inspired by the calm, distanced, yet widely engaged tone of his writing - in which he seems to me to respect everything, even religion, though he is criticising it.

***I inscribed these three words wrongly (with the inkless pen of the hand-held):

'leave' for 'leaf'
'white' for 'write'
'is' for 'it'
the first mistake (and possibly the other two) leads me to think that my nervous system was guided by the sounds and not the shapes of words... profoundly interesting, perhaps.

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