online: 31 october 2002

31 october 2002 of equal significance

16:41 By the tumulus (said to be Boadicea's grave) on the seat dedicated to Ethel Copeland Campbell, vegetarian, socialist, pacifist.

Disjointed walk today, partly by chance - some turnings directed by the second hand of my watch, but fighting it ... too unsettled to look outward and to accept and become interested in things seemingly insignificant.

I've been re-seeing much of my life as mistaken... but now I feel able to look about and to listen.

Misty autumn day, slight wind, sounds of the city, an electric train, emergency vehicles, one or two aircraft, and the sight of several large tree branches torn off by recent winds. I can feel the cold damp air getting to my chest and I cough just once. Patches of green grass amid yellowish mowings. Many people walking slowly in various directions. A woman in sports wear carries a baby across the meadow. A large dog carrying a thrown stick in it's mouth settles down to chew it quite close to me - and then it gets up and runs to its master.

Today I don't feel the significance of these things though I remain sure that each is as significant as is anything... I realise that any action or intended improvement has to be compatible with the equal importance of everything if it's to be 'right' or 'sustainable' or 'fitting'...

On my way back I stop to pick up a cork and then I throw it away... I pause to look at a dead rat or a vole or some such creature... its skin is black, is it a mole? I think so. Why do I only classify it - life has gone out of it and I should be mourning.

Beneath the trees (of what I call the dark wood) it's like a battlefield with fallen branches everywhere.

...I'm happier now, 'sauntering along' among the squirrels, looking with more interest than before at the trees, and the grey sky, and the city in the distance.

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© 2002 john chris jones

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