online: 1 april 2003
modified: 4 april 2003

25 march 2003 disturbance and harmony

18:19 In the woods. I feel a little lost, or anguished, today... I am disturbed by reading papers from my past and by losing the flow of some recent writing. To re-arrange one's papers is to re-arrange one's life! I feel informed but confused. I write I hear the sound of a woodpecker drilling into a tree trunk and the occasional cawing of a crow... and I'm enjoying this evening stillness...

...among the papers that have become visible are some photocopied pages of Goethe's Poetry and Truth and an introduction to it. Reading these I realise that both inner disturbance and peace and harmony are necessary to creative action (Goethe, apparently, concealed his inner disurbances beneath outward calm but he knew well how to combine disturbance with reason in his works) ... therefore I should accept both being upset by the re-arranging of my papers and being helped by this new accessibility of my past!... So I breathe in and await developments...

...the air is cooling, small birds are singing, and there is no wind - the tops of trees are stationary. The birch tree to my left has a big branch that sets off almost horizontally but after a metre turns a right angle and grows upwards, becoming almost a second trunk. What caused it to turn? Today I feel like that branch myself - as if I've just turned a corner. I hope my new direction is upwards and that the change is not too upsetting... Is this my second life?

...two small birds arrive in the birch tree and I watch them flying rapidly from one perch to another. Most of the branches are growing horizontally - towards the light and away from the trunk and the other trees. The world is an oracle.

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© 2003 john chris jones

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