online: 13 august 2004
modified: 13 august 2004

12 august 2004 conscious attention

20:03 A picnic of smoked trout, wholemeal bread, a bottle of water and ripe blackberries gathered within a few metres of where I sat... then I picked more blackberries - enough for a pie.

Twenty minutes walk by a chance determined route again took me along familiar paths (that I've ceased to walk by choice) to this seat overlooking the hockey field which is surrounded by tall trees.

Clear sky, pale blue, windy, cooler air than for 2 or 3 weeks (21C instead of 25 to 30C) but nevertheless it's humid (75 to 85% humidity today) so I'm glad to sit here to cool off.

My dentist has condemned me to 6 months wearing a denture to fill a visible gap until my gums are ready for some expensive bridgework (if vanity or discomfort induce me to pay for it!). So, for the last 2 weeks, I've been experiencing adaptation to a prosthesis. After 3 days, as predicted, I ceased to be continuously aware of this foreign thing in my mouth but, as it's yet to be fully trimmed to fit closely, I find my tongue is frequently moving it back into position when it wobbles or gets displaced... I suppose that when fitting and adapting are complete it will become an unnoticed part of my 'inside'... This border zone between unconscious 'inside' and conscious 'outside' is uncomfortable, but fascinating.

I suppose one purpose or effect of these writings is to explore little things (and exceptionally large ones) that I do not or cannot notice when busy with actions that demand conscious thought and attention... but there is more to it than that, though for the moment I can't find words to say what it is...

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